


To Face Grief

by Hekate1308



Series: Children of Purgatory [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 11, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 10:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11919489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekate1308/pseuds/Hekate1308
Summary: And then God came and ruined everything might have sounded like a typical teenage complaint, and she would have done anything if it had been.But instead, God – Chuck as her father and uncle knew him – crashed into the bunker much as Crowley had done.





	To Face Grief

And then God came and ruined everything might have sounded like a typical teenage complaint, and she would have done anything if it had been.

But instead, God – Chuck as her father and uncle knew him – crashed into the bunker much as Crowley had done.

One minute, they were busy checking and cleaning their arsenal, the next, they were chatting with God.

To give him some credit, he was pretty badly beaten up from an encounter with Amara; after hiding for years, he’d finally seen it fit that he actually go and do something, and had promptly realized she was too strong for him to take on.

Both Emma and Madison agreed that they had little pity for him. He could have acted during the first Apocalypse, but instead he made everything more complicated for Sam and Dean by pretending he was a prophet and capitalizing on their life stories.

And now he wanted shelter?                                         

Emma didn’t know that something far worse awaited her then trying to be polite to an all-knowing but not so powerful God.

Because on day three of his stay, after he’d recovered, he told them that there might only be one way to defeat Amara, and she, Crowley and Madison were pretty much aware what it entailed.

At least he hadn’t said that the spell was definitely their only hope, and for the rest of the week, she clung to that certainty, until the day the sun stopped working.

Even then, she refused to see the truth, with all the stubbornness a soon-to-be nineteen-year-old could possess.

Right up until Chuck shook his head, looked from the sky back to Dean, and finally announced, “We’ve run out of time; now there’s only one way to get rid of Amara and save the world.”

“I’m all ears” Dean said.

He snapped his fingers.

Rowena appeared in front of them.

Emma tensed even before her brain had caught on with what was about to happen.

“Rowena figured out a spell that can help us fight Amara, I believe”.

“Yes” she said after she’d caught her bearings, “I did”.

Her eyes travelled to Crowley and Emma; and for a moment, she thought she’d expose them, but instead she only continued, “It would use the power of souls in order to blow her to pieces”.

“And how?” Sam asked.

“Easily”.

And Emma, due to God smiling on them benevolently as if he was doing them a favour, could do nothing as Rowena explained that they’d stuff her Dad full of souls, turn him into a walking bomb, therefore making him kill both Amara and himself.

She caught Crowley’s eyes. It was easy to see that he was as angry as Emma herself.

“And you say this is the only way?” Dean asked after she was done.

“It is” Chuck answered.

“I see”.

And just like that, she knew he’d do it.

He would walk out of the bunker and into Amara’s arms and sacrifice himself, and she would never see him again.

She should have reacted more mature, but all she could think of was her father’s inevitable death, and she fled.

He found her curled up in a corner in her room, what felt like hours but were probably mere minutes later.

“Em...”

“It’s not fair” she said petulantly. “It’s not fair”.

“It isn’t.”

“You and Cas just figured stuff out, too”.

“We did, didn’t we?”

Despite how resigned he sounded, there was a smile in his voice too, and she lifted her head to find him looking at her with so much love in his eyes she felt sobs swell in her chest.

“Hey”.

Dean smiled.

“Look, I won’t pretend. I don’t want to die. There are many things I was looking forward to – but that’s the way it works.”

“He’s god” she complained. “What use is he if he can’t save you?”

“That’s something you’ll have to figure out on your own, I am afraid. I never did.”

He held out a hand and helped her up.

“How can you just do it?” she asked. “You’re told you have to die, and – “

“If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that death is not the end”.

“In many ways, it is”.

She knew he understood. He knew they would never see each other again, that his way led to Heaven and that she would end up in Purgatory again, and that the memory of these few short months when he hadn’t even been himself half of the time would be all she’d ever have with her father.

“Hey”.

He cradled her face in his hands.

“Emma, listen to me. I know this is awful, and no one should have to live through it. But if someone can make it, you can. You fought your way through Purgatory and Hell. And before you left, you managed to destroy the Leviathans. And what you did here – how you and Madison kept us all grounded... Not to forget this little detail where you killed the devil himself. You have done extraordinary things, Emma Winchester, and I have never been prouder of anything than of being allowed to call myself your father”.

She launched into his arms and buried her head in his chest.

One last time.

He kissed her head.

“You’ll go on to have a wonderful life. I know it. And when you think of me... Just try not to be too sad, alright? All in all, this hasn’t been the worst life. Never saw myself as a father, for example”.

She pulled away and forced a smile on her face.

“Don’t expect me to forgive you that easily; I’ve got my work cut out for me. Someone has to keep the guys out of trouble”.

“And you’re so good at that”.

“I try”.

A pause followed.

“Dad” she said finally, “I want you to know that – I mean – You’re not the only one who’s proud we’re related. I love you”.

“Love you too, Em.”

He smiled at her; it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Let’s go and save the world before it’s too late”.

When they returned to the library, Madison wordlessly went up to her and hugged her tightly. Dad went up to Cas and dragged him into a corner, where they left them alone for a while.

After that, he said goodbye to the rest.

With Sam, that meant an affectionate embrace.

Madison got a friendly swing at her shoulder and a request to “keep Sammy alive, if you can”.

When it came to Crowley, he hesitated for a second before saying, “I can imagine I might miss you just a little”.

“Right back at you, Squirrel”.

Cas stayed at his side for all of it, now and then touching him while he still could.

Emma knew the feeling.

Right before Dad told Chuck that he was ready, she hugged him again.

They were both silent. They had already said everything they wanted to.

Chuck supplied the souls, Rowena performed the spell. Dad’s face contorted with pain as the power was pumped into him, and Emma wished she could have thought of a single comforting thing to say.

And then it was over.

“Let’s go” Dean said, his voice firm.

With the blink of an eye, they were gone.

Emma went to the table to sit down, her legs shaking.

This morning, they’d had breakfast together as had become their custom, laughing.

Now, Dad was on his way to certain death.

A gentle touch on her shoulder made her look up.

Madison was holding Sam’s hand but studying her.

“We should check up on the sun” she said, her voice barely recognizable.

Outside, it was still as dreary a day as it had been since they got up in the morning... until it wasn’t.

Suddenly, the sun was shining brightly again, on a world Dean Winchester had saved.

And he’d never get to see it.

She looked up at the sun, not caring that it hurt, tears streaming down her eyes.

She barely heard Rowena’s goodbye.

“Em” Madison gently said.

She turned around and hugged her friend, sobbing against her shoulder. She didn’t know how long they stood there before she calmed down and their group made their way back into the bunker.

Emma wished to comfort them all, but could barely bring up the energy to hold herself up. Grief was crushing her, a constant wave of agony punctuated by even more pain when the knowledge that her father was dead asserted itself anew.

  “Crowley” she heard Sam ask as if from far away, “will you stay?”

“I have no better place to be”.

Even the King of Hell sounded shaken.

Emma wanted to say something, anything, to make this alright, but there were no more words.

“I’ll go lie down for a bit”.

For once she wanted to be young and weak.

Cas wordlessly accompanied her to her room. As she opened the door, he said quietly, “You should eat something later. Dean wouldn’t have wanted you to starve yourself”.

She looked up and met his eyes for the first time since her father had left.

It was there for all to read.

The eternal love and grief of an angel.

They hugged before she went to lie down.

Every resident of the bunker was grieving in his own way.

It was the worst possible time for anyone to try and break into the bunker later.

She had just decided to get up and force herself to eat when she heard a shout and a crash.

By the time she arrived in the war room, Crowley was leaning over an unconscious woman.

“What – “

He looked up.

She was shocked at the exhaustion in his eyes.

“God damn it, did it have to be now? Would you please get your uncle and the others? It looks like the British Men of Letters have come to America”.


End file.
